Monday, October 27, 2008

embarrassin' kim garrison stikes again (and other stories).

i have a special talent. ok, perhaps many special talents. but one in particular is falling down. usually flat on my face. and for no apparent reason. (let's just say parked bicycles and i are not friends.) i've been limping along since a 1am subway encounter. you see it was just me and 3 clowns (clown #2, shorty and val kilmer). one small leap onto the j train. a lil bit of water. and well. now i have a knee cap the size of florida and arm bruises as parting gifts from subway poles. oh dear. ok. let's get on with the story.

sunday funday. i think yesterday we were on round 9? sister time. sibling time. new friend time. brunch and bar food and football. did i mention tequila? i blame christian. dang allergies. our standard sunday affair was in full swing. navani and dakin made it out. swooning. we all pretended to know something about football but after obviously failing (i think we shouted out team names for baseball instead of football?!)...we manifested some cards for our favorite round of 3-13. now, let me just get right to the point. past the beers and the shots and the food and the fun. let me tell you why i'm really here right now writing to you. because i'm pretty sure this would only happen to me. and i'm pretty sure i had about 4 witnesses. at least. so don't go telling me i'm exaggerating. or making shite up. or just plain crazy. or even creepy. cause outta nowhere. this really happened. are you ready?

a 5 year old was flirting with me.

now don't laugh. and don't you dare think i started this. i thought for sure i was hallucinating. so i asked sol to spy out of the corner of his eye. and dakin to watch in the mirror on the wall. there was some definite eyebrow raising. you know the kind i'm talking about. the wow-wa-wee-wa come hither move they do in the movies - kinda as a joke. i was sure i imagined it. until it happened again. and then he giggled. and then he leaned over to his father and spoke to him and pointed at me and it appeared he was getting some coaching. and then around the corner of the other barstool what appeared to be his older (12 year old?) brother was peaking at me. what the? ok. move on. that was funny i coulda laughed it off and ignored...if it had stopped there. as sol and i performed our usual shenanigans of laughing too loud and being obnoxious, this kid actually glared at sol! and ROLLED HIS EYES!!!!? convinced i too had imagined that i playfully pretended to slap sol to see what he would do......ummm. i'm not sure how to even say this. but. he gave me a thumbs up!? yes. people. this is true. this really happened. by this point everyone is trying to spy and see what he'll do next. scowling. eyebrow winking. dad coaching. thumbs up coercing. what next? this kid is gonna be quite the womanizer. you've been warned. and i really don't want to talk about how he threw himself up against the glass window as he was about to leave the bar. yes i said bar. and yes i swear to jebus he was 5. and he was with his parents. i'm scared. and now i'm embarrassed. next.

we left. we split up. i ended up with the boys. not THAT boy. MY boys. quelle suprise. by this point in time christian is about done for. but then he goes and orders tequila sunrises?! what the? oh and thanks dakin for chaperoning me in the bathroom. i was definitely afraid to go. let alone touch anything at the boiler room. hmmmmmmmmm. that was short lived. we couldn't convince christian to go hooka with us. lay. doc holiday's we love you. and meridith even more. so there we went. i am always amazed at how i still manage to find new things at this bar. it's like a treasure hunt for freaky people. for instance. exhibit a: there is a stuffed deer head mounted on the wall. seeing as how i have never sat anywhere but the bar i never noticed it before. i'm glad we were able to convince dakin NOT to make out with it. close. very close. thank god for my camera. there was dancing. and garth brooks loving. and lots of grabbing (i won't say what) and at some point i was in a falling barchair fighting off kisses and then saved midflight from crashing to the ground AGAIN. this time it was not my fault. i don't think. i dunno anymore. i plead the 5. or erroneous. or contempt. or preposterous.

i really need to learn some new legal terms. ok. that's all for now.

ps. clown camp nyc was in effect over the weekend. nashville came. saw. and conquered. pics soon.

tonight? nkotb. with sissy. watch out.


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Monday, April 14, 2008

post clown camp. the 'pretty sure' update.

i'm pretty sure i should not be allowed out in public alone and then drink a lot of tequila. i'm just sayin....

i'm pretty sure i have about 7 mysterious bruises that i've acquired since arriving back in nyc

i'm pretty sure i'm fairly apathetic about being home. which is a strange feeling. especially alarming if you know me at all....

i'm pretty sure canada is inspiring me right now

i'm pretty sure i'll be back in CA this time up north the first few days of may

i'm pretty sure clown camp east coast needs to be happening asap

i'm pretty sure life rules even though i can't barely function at the moment (this having something to do with being mia for 2 days and no one noticing!?)

i'm pretty sure i'm happy to be home with my mongo

i'm pretty sure i am missing clown 1 and 2, ichabod and the crew A LOT

i'm pretty sure i love you.



Friday, April 11, 2008

you know you're at clown camp when...

you play hooky from your own life and most of your friends don't even know what coast you are currently on (ps. left)

your ability to function as a 'normal' human being in public is severely disabled and frankly downright embarrassing

you sneak out of the dance-arama party to go cause trouble at tiny's (no baby oil this time. thanks g!) and when you get home five boys are in the kitchen eating bacon, french toast, popcorn, beer and corn-dogs

you find yourself doing jazzersize at 3am with the tallest boy you've ever met in your life... in your underwear

and in closing i would just like to say 'are you a idiot?'

[clown camp la participants: head mistress! (kg), shannon (#2), kimberly (#1), caleb (cit/ichabod), shorty, corey, puddin, justin, gina, stacey and a few other stragglers]

photos you DO NOT want to miss coming soon soon soon. for now? take this:

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