Sunday, July 23, 2006


it's late. i can hear ludlow calling.
i am home.
it's my birthday.
officially it's over. but a good friend told me it's not officially over until you go to bed. i was up 24 hours ago. i am up again. sleep is not necessary in nyc.

july 22.
i covered the sky is a landfill.
i was told 'you are so buckley' which made me smile
i thought i knew some dude from a band i booked or played with so i chatted...
um it was the bass played from elefant. yeah.
and he hung all night watching the show. it was pretty cool.
thai food. back to sin-e. shots of jaeger a nyc birthday tradition.
this was an amazing amazing amazing night.
my first time playing my songs in nyc.
lizzy grant and jennifer glass thank you for sharing. for being there.
nyc thank you for showing up. the crowd. the gang. the music pool table and marshmallows even.
life is happening. the voice the sound the songs. it was real and i was alive.
and i want to do this every day. stand in the shade and live. breathe. change.
i have elefant on right now and it makes me laugh.
life is grand. nyc is home. and the time is come to change. move. shift. again.
you will see. soon i will share.
for now.
close your eyes. take a deep breath and smile. love is in the air.
thank you shannon for making this trip and this night so amazing.
and alexis and david, darrell and taly for the amp.
friends. ahhhhhhhh. such beauty.
sleep should come soon so that tomorrow we can go again and taste the night.
thank you jeff.
thank you.



Wednesday, July 19, 2006

music beauty truth muse.

music. beauty. truth
I wish I could explain this to you
but that is the joy in sound
it can only be heard
it can only penetrate
it can only touch your cells
and you react.
the words the chords the melody
it all calculates emotion, subconscious, superconscious.
and it changes you.
sound changes us.
such a simple reality.
so rarely honored.
but tonight.
leaps in the air. arms and hands rocking.
the actual velocity of sound moving the entire body
down to the cells…dancing.
it is a surreal experience in that it happens too rarely
but I am grounded and fully alive right now.
‘butterflies & hurricanes’
these songs could fuel a war
with the self
and you would win.
I wish I could show you
I wish I could convince you
to listen to this music
to let it touch you
to let it come inside you
to go and see it hear it touch it
there is no other experience close to this
something that puts you so completely into
your own body that you just about puke
and you can’t feel anything but bass throbbing
the length of your body
hair to heart to feet
one two three.
embracing. caressing.
a lover.
an alter ego.
an unknown friend.
the soul
the soul
the soul.
and I am reminded who I am
what it’s like to be fully alive
like this
like this
like this
where every thought comes and goes
an acceptance and simplicity
all of this.
thank you.
for giving life tonight.

July 19, 2006 12:40am

Monday, July 03, 2006

a new.

pretend this was posted last sunday....i wrote it in the la guardia airport before flying back to sf. love. love. love.

I saw the sun rise these past two mornings. it’s like heaven shedding skin. the smell of salt hit me as I got outta the cab. airports no longer scare me. flying no longer frames me. I am not sure I am afraid of anything other than myself anymore. and this is a beautiful thing.

how to recap the last week? the last few weeks in actuality…

let’s start with new york. Jessica. Leanna. Alexis. Shannon. Mikey. Sabrina. Estelle. Kenny. Brooklyn. boogaloo. being the tall girl outside the club. babies. mini bonfires. marshmallow promotions lady outside pizza joint. (wait hold on. do you wanna marshmallow??) rockstars. red bulls. not drinking. not sleeping. not writing. not caring. shiny toy guns. open center. Jennifer Glass. Paige. early may. martha’s producer!!! subways. the studio. mad scientist (msg). live music. shade bar. v bar/café. new bands. sin-e.pomme frites. empire state building. memories. neighborhoods. bleecker street. cheese shop yum. um, pool hall. france’s ping pong champion anyone? sal’s! garlic knots. hip hop club? stalked by a bouncer? white sunglasses. miniskirts. a-train. ‘kimmy.’ drama. fulton-that man, on the subway!!! polaroids. (boys smoking in the subway.) cake factory. parsons. drunk girl. nyu. just plain weird! all around. dirt. flip flops. soho. rain. meatpacking. distilling the soul to find the voice. again. stepping aside to let spirit ride this out. the highs and lows will not go. the city will always attempt to swallow
me. and I am finally ready.

I wish I could write for hours to recap all the love and joy and beauty and laughter I recaptured this week. suffice it to say that going with nearly 3 hours a sleep a night proves to be enough when I am following my own footsteps. adventuring and living the life I have been dreaming of. always. I cannot explain the emotion that lingers. the heartstring that will not cut. the knowing. I can only ask that this will be enough. that this will come again. that the shift in focus will prove to be the correct path indeed. will prove that happiness can recreate inside skin. 6am. airplanes. photos. music. tattoos. hair. skin. friction. tears. truth. smiles. laughter. birth. mamma. fear. convalescing. communication. want. desires. touch. taste. sound. alone. legs. sky. new. york. new. me…

(thank you all who share in this life. all such beautiful blessings…)

this is all that I can say:

shirly temple - YES!!!!

early may...finally:

i'm amazed at how fast i can snap pictures sometimes...this guy was just way too freakin stylish to pass up. xo:

if only i could tell you all about the marshmallows...oh man. unending entertainment. i still think this place should pay me to stand outside and hand out marshmallows to all patrons. it really was a hit. even thr old lady spitting them out on the sidewalk. classic:

they taste best toasted:

ah chris pappa. you were the highlight of the evening. ha:

my girls leanna and jessica. love you two; so do the muppets. muppet!

yeah sometimes sabrina's a pirate. and yes nyc is random!

she's just too cute:

too random and hilarious to leave out. mikey if your faces were any funnier you'd be ME:

awe the kids. alexis i miss you!!

full photo shoots will be posted SOON.


tell tales of decision

I’ve returned from nyc. I’ve been back a week and it feels just an instant. The glasses have made their rounds. Tony was hugged. I felt like the paparazzi once again and we saw Meredith play a purrrty set at the brainwash café. It’s good to see my friends again and just chill the fuck out. Been so long since I just did ‘nothing.’

My apartment still feels empty. Even when my sister has been here all week. It’s strange to be in a space that once held such love and wonder and comfort…transformed to a room that lacks inspiration. Motivation rides the wave inside of me and I am still moving. These past few weeks have sparked a return of pieces of me I long forgot, hid from or buried to keep peace. Quickly coming back I have found myself sleeping less, drinking less (shirly temple anyone?) and writing and performing new songs without fear. To touch upon this place, even for an instant is a blessing I have long awaited. The hatred of the self is slowly lifting. Did I mention slowly…?

Monday night was a random gig at blondie’s a cute little martini bar down in the mission. I celebrated my first birthday living in San Francisco at this bar a few years back. It was a trip to be back there with some of those same peeps (tony whom I had just met and my sister who I barely got along with). Memories. And the addition of beautiful new friends was much loved (tracey, erin, jarrell, alan, brett, john, kathy, etc… wooot!)

Enjoy these morsels and I’ll update about this weekend soon which was wild. i'm currently stuck in los angeles after hanging backsage at the kill hannah/mindless self indulgence show, hanging at the studio and meeting greg and falling asleep in a hammock outside after the party on saturday at the world wide spies house. um. yeah. watch out.

Ciao bellas.