Saturday, October 14, 2006


i have had some moments
they have been big ass motherfucking moments
this week
today today
i am sifting through emotions that i cannot yet interpret
the heart is a wild beast fickle and bucking mad
weeping and cringing, hiding and soaring
all at once
it has been nearly four month since i steped out of comfort and into my own hell
four months without words or arms, sound or silence
four months of standing on the edge
attempting to push myself over in or through
four months not sleeping right
not eating right
loosing weight
drinking to the point of disastrous effects on the head body and spirit
four months questioning:
my ability to love
my ability to trust
my ability to be a valuable human being
four months until this shift
one step. two steps.
step. step. LEAP.
the end of the week. the end of the day.
and words come.
and i have no idea how to respond.
how to react.
my body got naseaous. the heart spits.
then the body relaxed. and the face laughed.

i have leaped
into my life
all that i am creating
my dreams are living proof
that i am alive

and no matter how love carves me
i am here for it all
and i know
that i really love
and i love it all