Saturday, September 18, 2004


it's been a while. but i was going through something i hope i never have to go through again. i'm still amazed at the stress one can put on their own body. a distortion. but then you find yourself again. breathing. soliciting faith. returning.

i love where i am at right now. i'm in san francisco and it looks like i will be here for a while. i've got complete freedom to go where i like and be what i want. most importantly i've solidified in my focus. all that needs to be done now is play. i'm working on my demo, writing songs, and being. just being. and i don't need nor want anything to get in the way of that. even here. even back in my city. i don't want to be here forever. i don't want to move back here. and that's good to know. and i'm seeing the people i know and love here but i'm not giving myself away nd not trying to carry the weight of the city anymore. i don't really care. i mean, i care as i always do, loving...but i'm not attached to it like i used to be. i've found my focus. and my tolerance for bullshit is almost nil.

i've been taking in as much political news as possible, ready everything from socialists magazines and watching middle eastern news stations to reading google news headlines and watching cnn crossfire. my political and historical education has much to catch up on...luckily i've got smarty pants friends who are gving me much food for thought. thank you kelly and john!

i don't want to share what has happened with brian. it doesn't need to be expressed here and i never should have shared as much before :) but sometimes i just can't help myself. just know that i am right where i need to be. i don't need a relationship just to have one. i know exactly what i want and i know when i have that. the path i am on is narrow and my fear of heights is growing. but it is my choice and my battle. and i will continue
which reminds me...

went to napa last weekend and had too much fun crushing grapes and climbing on tractors

don't know how i got up in the morning. the sickness was so bad that day...but it subsided! saturday night was supposed to be a quiet dinner with amman since he was in town to visit his brother...turned out we went to visit ben at kimo's and ran into an old friend and then went bar hopping, saw steve from t&g and ended up back at my place with people i don't even know eating pita crisps, drinking and reading 'the sexual life of catherine m' for storytime.
oh fun fun fun
here's amman!

and ben initiating story time while getting fed

and me discovering that the walls in my place are super soft!!!

and finally me and ryan. hell i don't even know ryan. but it looks like i do right? :)

all kindsa fun. always.

got red pants back!

that was a trip. not sure how much i really want to do with it...but it's been cool having john on board and keep that alive. probably keep some shows going on in sf...branch out into other venues and just work with the few good bands who are here.
decided i definatley do NOT want to do a buckley tribute show. with all the bullshit going on with his mom selling him out and people jumping on the fanwagon and not even understanding the would completely cheapen my love and my experience of him and his music. so i'm keeping it to myself. we'll probably just have a small birthday party or something if i'm still in town or if i come back for we'll see.

shit there's all kindsa other stuff going on. like where i'm thinking of going next...states i've never visited. i'm thinking of just going to these places and chilling out. we'll see. i'll tell you once it happens
much much love...

oh yeah, i've put up a basic site, finally...i know! it took forever. but i was finally inspired to start it. you can count on it going through many reincarnations in the next few weeks so catch it while you can :)

be good.

love love love,



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